Salute of the Jugger (1989)

I bought this movie, in a pack of 20 DVDs, for the meagre price of $7 for this movie alone. Imagine some of the slop that rounded out the other 19 films will you? I must admit seeing 'No Retreat, No Surrender' again kept me entertained for an evening. Can't beat some pre-coked-out Van Damme action.
In my early teens I must have seen Jugger at least half a dozen times. Ma forbade me to rent it out for so long but that piece of forbidden fruit with the moulded clenched fists on the cover kept calling me. Finally I wore her down and watched. A post apocalyptic film based around an appallingly violent sport that involves sticking a dogs skull on a stake to win. And it starred Rutger Hauer. Perfect.
Set in a post apocalyptic land where the majority of the population survive in squalid dog-towns, the miserable people's heroes are Juggers, competitors in the ridiculously violent game. Hauer plays Sallow, a veteran of the game who once played in the major league and was exiled for rooting around with the wrong lady. When Sallow's nomadic team of disfigured brawlers arrive in a small town they inflict devastating injury upon the local team's 'quick' and he is replaced by the nimble and delightful Joan Chen. They thrash her and the team and Chen is left in a crumpled, bleeding state of awe. As the team move on Chen tags along and eventually becomes their new quick. Basically a sports movie, you have the cliched ups and downs as the team improve and eventually play in the major league where redemption and glory await the rogue's gallery of characters.



Written and directed by David Peoples I gather this was not an easy shoot and didn't quite pan out to his expectations. For some amusing reading from the film's set check out this article by an extra who grieves the scenes that were cut (which he appeared in.... ha!). Or this article, written by a fellow from the art department who laments the passing of a budding film industry career had his chronic drug abuse not rendered him with the memory of a goldfish. While detailing his own problems he goes on 'David Peoples, was struggling with his first big film, and was immensely depressed'. Poor guy. Although Jugger wasn't warmly received by the critics, other projects he penned were. The guy wrote some terrific stuff, 'BladeRunner' (1982), 'Unforgiven' (1992) and Twelve Monkeys' (1995) plus a few other films I didn't mind 'Lady Hawk' (1985), 'Leviathan' (1989) and 'Accidental Hero' (1992). I gather he's packed the trusty old typewriter away now for retirement in less stressful pastures.
Man, when we were youngsters after watching this we would play it ourselves. I remember packing a variety of hard and soft objects into the end of a football sock and whipping my brother repeatedly while he gouged at my shins attempting to pass me. Appears we weren't the only ones inspired to start our own game. Real life Jugger leagues now exist, precariously I imagine. I don't know who these people are but bless em.

The alternate US title. Crap.

I love this film. It's been about 15 years since my last viewing and holds up to my memory which is fabulous. I would have enjoyed it even if it was my first viewing to be honest, I just love this sort of shit. It's a bonus that it was shot in Australia and features some local extras. Could you imagine a more perfect setting than Coober Peedy? The post apocalypse just works so well down here, I can't wait for it. Despite the cliches, lack of originality and sheer ugliness of everything about it, I have to score this mangy beast highly.
One hundred stones, three times!
4/5

The Social Network (2010)

The Facebook film eh. The film about the origins of this bloody thing that nibbles and  gobbles away at my sweet, precious time (Christ, I'm not going to be here forever you know). Mark Zuckerburg created the social networking phenomenon and is now the world's youngest billionaire. This movie alleges that he may have been inspired from some of his fellow Harvard students. Two lawsuits are structured into the film, one resulting from the above mentioned bitter students and the other, his former buddy and co-creator Eduardo Saverin, who was stiffed. There has understandably been dispute as to the version of events played out in this film. The real Zuckerburg has stated that it is almost entirely fictitious and then obviously there are those who disagree. Whatever. To be honest I don't care whether Zuckerburg is the nasty, socially backward guy that he is portrayed as in the film or who's entitled to the Facebook fortune. All films based on real events take liberties to tell a good story and often that's a problem but if it's about the origins of Facebook and some now obscenely rich computer jocks, I can live with that, as the long as the films good. And it is. As dull as the story may actually sound, the drama that unfolds surrounding this application that many of us have an unhealthy addiction to is riveting. 



David Fincher directed 'Seven' (1995), 'The Game' (1997) and 'Fight Club' (1999). Like those films this is also an atmospheric, tight, great looking picture. Jesse Eisenberg is excellent as Zuckerburg as is Andrew Garfield as Eduardo and Justin Timberlake as Napster co-founder Sean Parker.  Interestingly, the Winklevoss twins who sue Zuckerburg in the film, were played by two actors, Armie Hammer and Josh Pence. Hammer's face however was placed on Pence's body using CGI. Why did they do this? Because. It's not such a bad idea is it?
Trent Reznor and Aticus Ross' score is surprisingly effective. I know Trent is an emotional man, I've seen him live with Nine Inch Nails a few times. It brings me pleasure to know he can translate his maudlin bleeps that communicate his depressing world of rotting carcasses to those who spend their lives rotting in front of a computer.
I left the cinema entertained and probably due to the enriched storyline, with only a vague insight into the origins of Facebook and the cast of character's involved but that doesn't bother me. I'm sure Zuckerburg is over it. 
Looking forward to the 'I'm Watchin' Films' film.
4/5  

Scott Pilgrim Versus the World (2010)

Adapted from a comic series, Scott Pilgrim Versus the World is like some spastic video game & sugar high. Michael Cera plays the hero, if you haven't been digging his comedy talent so far then this movie isn't going to change anything but that would be a shame. Be ashamed. He is persuasive as a goofy geek in his early 20's who has to defeat his new lady's seven evil exes. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is well cast as Scott's object of desire Ramona Flowers, who he has to knuckle on for against an array of ex-partner douches ( An ex is a douche by definition? Yes?).
Edgar Wright directed this, he is also been responsible for 'Shaun of the Dead' (2004) and 'Hot Fuzz' (2007). The guy apparently knows how to direct a comedy. The banter between the characters is fast and self aware and the bursts of action are a 13 year old boy's wet dream. Dazzling special effects are a major component of achieving the 'life is a comic book/video game' feel.   

Fight for her love Scott! Fight for her!!

Certain moments seemed a little cheesy or pointless and seven exes to bust through did seem to take a while as the film's style and energy starts to wear you down.
I definitely enjoyed watching this and recommend seeing it but once sobering up from the brain melting graphics and sugar encrusted breakfast cereal-esque high, I came over with a little Scott Pilgrim regret, only a little though. 
3.5/5 

Signs of Life (1968)

'Signs of Life' is German director Werner Herzog's first feature film. Set during World War II on the peaceful Greek island Kos, three soldiers are stationed in an old fortress guarding ammunition. Peter Brogle plays Stroszek, a soldier wounded in combat and given this easy assignment as an opportunity to recuperate. Despite the natural beauty of the location, the quiet confinement and daily repetition push Stroszek over the edge into madness.
The setting is beautiful, Herzog captures the island and it's inhabitants quiet existence perfectly. I recall my time backpacking around similar locations and marvelling what a peaceful life it must be to roost in such surroundings. It often didn't take long though with the lack of activity and I would be quoting to myself the old line 'Nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live here'. Alas, having become accustomed to sources of entertainment and stimulation at my frog-like fingertips, I was rendered unable to sustain any serious length of stay. Poor Stroszek, submitted to a more permanent state of affairs, deals with his situation in a more extreme manner.

That is one set of mad eyes right there

Throughout this film are a number of shots seemingly insignificant or unconnected to the plot such as schools of tiny fish feeding on bread or locals citizens meandering along the streets. There are long scenes of daily life, the soldiers squabbling over how a wooden toy owl moves it's ears is oddly memorable. It's certainly possible to struggle a little with the slow pace of the first half of the film but stick with it, it allows an opportunity to appreciate the environment and how sadly it can lead to an individuals descent into a mental abyss. 
4/5 
Having seen a few Herzog films now I'm becoming more familiar with the themes and signatures of his work. Man versus nature and insanity, just like Signs of Life, are also dealt with in the ball tearing yarns 'Aguirre, Wrath of God' (1972) and 'Cobra Verde' (1987). Both of these films appropriately star the crazed enigma Klaus Kinski in memorable roles. Two other films of Herzogs that Kinski appears in are on my radar for viewing and again deal with similar themes. 'Woyzeck' (1979), the tale of a soldier put on a diet of peas who's mental state deteriorates (naturally) and 'Fitzcaraldo' (1982), about a businessman's attempts to have a steamboat dragged over the mountains of Peru (yes, a challenge). As interesting as his films is Herzog himself. In the below video he speaks of the vile baseness and misery of the jungle. Vastly amusing.

The French Kissers (2009)

A likable French comedy about a couple of teenage buddies, Hervé and Camel, and their embarrassing efforts to meet, make out with and screw girls. It's a familiar story but most bipeds (such as myself, I'm bipedal) would be used to seeing cheesy US versions such as 'American Pie' (1999). This distinguishes itself by featuring far more natural looking actors. Their oily, pussy whiteheads look extremely genuine in close up shots. There's all the masturbation, sex and body part jokes you'd expect but it's done with a bit more of a humble and realistic approach.

The young actors are all amusing as awkward and clueless teens blindly foraging about, attempting to discover love and sex. Noemie Lvovsky is particularly entertaining as Hervés playful and inappropriate mother. The movie seems to have gotten quite a bit of praise and although I enjoyed it, it's not hilarious or especially insightful. Basically it's a cheaper night than going to the pub.

3/5

Make It Funky! (2005)

I stretched out to this documentary on the music of New Orleans as someone whose interest has been piqued by the excellent HBO series 'Treme'. It's an easy ride through the history of elements, artists and events that helped to shape the unique sound and culture that blasts out of the old southern city. The interviews, clips and narration are shaped around a concert that took place in New Orleans featuring many legends of the town. Funnily, the actual concert is not mentioned which is a bit odd as it features so heavily but it is clearly an all-star bash. Some of the performances from the show are dynamite. I wasn't familiar with many artists including Snooks Eaglin but that dude is stone cold (yeah he's dead now but that's not what I'm referring to you heartless bastard). Other players that appear either via archival footage, interviews or performance are the Neville Brothers, Doctor John, Fats Domino, Kermit Ruffins and Henry 'Professor Longhair' Byrd to name but a few. 

Blow man! Blow! Kermit Ruffins everybody!

More than anything you get the sense of a fantastically rich heritage of music and sense of community that these people and many around the world treasure. Traditions within the city such as the Mardi Gras Indians and the Second Line are also explained which again as a Treme fan, was very cool to learn more about.
It seemed a little long too me and the appearances of Keith Richards and Bonnie Raitt seemed to be reaching a little for publicity and unnecessary credibility however you can't blame them for wanting in on the New Orleans Party. Seriously, I gotta get to that crazy town!
3/5

Synecdoche, New York (2008)

Phillip Seymour Hoffman - damn good actor. Charlie Kaufman - damn fine writer, and in this case, director. Smear them together into a grey, viscous, undulating paste and this is what you get. It's an utterly apt description, trust me. Those familiar with Kaufman's work which includes 'Being John Malcovich' (1999), 'Adaption' (2002) and 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' (2004) will know to expect an unconventional blend of comedy, drama, absorbing imagery and brain bending ideas. 
The film follows Hoffman's character through the journey of the latter half of his life. As a theatre director he undertakes an ambitious production that involves recreating New York within a warehouse, his actors playing out ordinary life within the city. His complicated relationships and obsessions with his health merge with his creation and lines blur. 
Kaufman has really made a film of incredible scope. It incorporates amazing detail, dizzying shifts in time and more motifs and metaphors than you could shake your dainty ring finger at. Consequently I think it demands repeated viewings and recommend sitting down to the extra features to gain some insights from the actors and crew. It's one of those films about the 'human condition' and may come across as navel gazing to some but I found it to possess a depth lacking from the vast majority of movies today. Yeah man, you guessed right, I liked it. 
4/5 

The Hangover (2009)

Some guys just can't handle Phuket either

A bunch of buddies go on a Vegas bucks trip and mad shit ensues. What nostalgia this evokes for me. I've been on bucks trips, not Vegas but destinations that offer their own pot of golden mad shit possibilities. These lads wake up the day after the big night and can't find their buck, a fate yet to befall any jaunt I have been involved in fortunately.  

You're not getting anything original with this but if you're actually watching it I can't imagine you'd expect as such. I do feel like it's an opportunity missed though, there is a myriad of possibilities for such a scenario (I could offer a few stories) but instead we get the cliche tiger in the bathroom, chickens fluttering about the hotel room, a Vegas marriage and an anxious bride. It still had me guffawing at times, I guess I fit into the aimed demographic due to my above admission. What lifts this above standard boys weekend humour though is Zach Galifianakis who plays the peculiar bro in law. I have been following this unusual and temperamental fellow's work the last few years. He has had minor roles in comedies for a good few years now, appeared in television and is a popular stand up. It was with this role that he seemed to come to the public's attention and is now frequently appearing in Hollywood productions

It's interesting to see which personalities considered weird or alternative by main stream audiences will be embraced by them. I hope the stench of some of the larger films won't stop or water down the tide of unusual output from Galifianakis or that the putrid celebrity culture doesn't result in him opening his wrists or injecting whale fat into his eyelids. I doubt it will, but if it sends him to his lair to create more troubling skits like the above video then, my god, I am all for that.

Ah yes, the film score. Very well, here it is my pasty child...

3/5

The Killer Inside Me (2010)

Based on a 1952 pulp novel by Jim Thompson and directed by Michael Winterbottom, The Killer Inside Me stars one of the more memorable psychopaths in recent years. Casey Affleck has pulled out some crackers in the last few years, 'The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford' (2007) and 'Gone Baby Gone' (2007) and does it again here as a sadist local cop who's reserved, polite public persona blankets his cruel nutter within. As Affleck's character allows his demons to step further over the line the more difficult it becomes to conceal his nature and crimes. Jessica Alba and Kate Hudson are the sexy yet shit-out-of-luck women who find themselves in his twisted existence and do a mostly fine job. 

If only you knew where those hands had been Kate

The film looks gorgeous, going for a noir style that suits a story of this breed of wickedness. It is a bit of a slow burner as the small town's character's entangled histories emerge and Affleck covers his bloody tracks. Amongst this tension are bursts of stomach turning, graphic violence. I've become pretty desensitised to film violence over the years but one scene in this film took the wind straight out of me. It has been the main criticism of the film in the media although to me witnessing the character's violence, to women in particular, seemed to only expose his sickness more.
I thoroughly enjoyed this calculated and chilling affair and look forward to seeing what else this man-child Affleck will pull out in the future. Be warned though ladies and gents, there is some confronting violence...I don't think this one's for you sorry Mum.
4/5

Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus (2009)

Believe it or not I actually saw this storm of shit at the cinema. I won a couple of tickets and went along knowing it was supposedly 'so bad, it's good!'. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not immune to the charms of films that receive this suspicious endorsement. At the same cinema I saw Tommy Wiseau's 'The Room' (2003) and I am completely a fan of that bucket of horse dreg (Wiseau looks and sounds like he just walked out of a horrific car crash). This one didn't hit the same lofty peaks for me and unfortunately induces sleep.
The production company behind MSvGO is The Asylum. They specialise in direct to DVD films that often blatantly rip off blockbusters. Why wouldn't you want to see 'AVH: Alien Vs Hunter' (2007) or 'Transmorphers' (2007) or 'Da Vinci Treasure' (2006)? Obviously all these films are rubbish but someone's watching them and in the case of MSvGO it's silly old me.

And you thought Transformers was a stupid idea

MSvGO's preview became a viral hit due to it's ridiculousness and the movie now has a cult following. When entering the cinema I was given a Team Octopus flag to wave about when squidy was on screen and encouraged to cheer and yell at the screen. For the largely 20-something year old audience this seemed to be the main attraction, trying to outdo each other with witty and hilarious observations. As a mature 34 year old I am above such crassness, it takes away from the pure cinematic experience. Ahem...



MSvGO has an appalling plot and script and laughable performances and special effects. Of course it does have it's highlights, a 200 foot shark leaping from the ocean to take down a passenger plane is always going to make me squeal with delight. 80's pop idol Debbie Gibson gives a spirited performance and it was amusing to see Lorenzo Lamas who starred in many god awful action films I consumed in my teens. Another bizarre scene that evoked a chuckle involves scientists pouring mysterious glowing liquids back and forth between test tubes and beakers and scratching their thick heads. Science will save us all!
If you need to waste 90 minutes of your life there are better ways. See how many times you can punch a wall in 45 minutes and then try to better it. Make a catalogue of flavours from your homes carpet, you'll probably need to lick every 30cm square patch to make sure you don't miss any unusual or exciting delicacies.
0.5/5