On the Beach (1959)

They did it. They dropped the bomb in the Northern Hemisphere and a nuclear cloud is drifting towards Australia, killing all in it's wake. Gregory Peck surfaces from his US military submarine in Melbourne and hangs with new pal Anthony Perkins, a surprisingly convincing fair-dinkum Aussie. Ava Gardiner and Fred Astaire join them to lament over lost love and the lives they are about to lose in excruciating agony. None of this is as dark or depressing as you would expect given the situation but this was shot in the sanitary 1950's. The Road it most definitely is not. In fact, not a dead body, rotting or intact, is sighted at all. An opportunity missed.

As a curiosity I enjoyed it; the city streets of Melbourne that I know today are shown in the 50's with Hollywood icons mincing about them. The idea of Australia being the last bastion of life is also a comforting if not misguided idea. As slight as the film as a whole comes off, the themes must have been quite disturbing given the era. I guess this was too good an opportunity to sugar coat the end of civilisation with some romantic fluff.

3/5

Interestingly, this was remade in 2000 starring Armand Assante of The Mambo Kings fame, Bryan Brown, Rachel Ward and stalwart Grant Bowler. What is also interesting is that I would actually like to see it. A modern, darker interpretation was a fair call and despite the worrying 'made for tv' categorisation, my expectations are set at the right pitch to perhaps, just perhaps, enjoy this caper.

The Long Good Friday (1980)

Now I'm back at uni I can continue raiding the eclectic titles sitting on the library shelves at school. Not many new dvds have arrived so I must settle with films I've passed over many times. Eventually I will be forced to watch the abundance of Asian films featuring 20 year old gangsters in the year 3050 proposing to robots. I'm not there yet though. Anyhow, I was curious about this film starring Bob Hoskins as London's #1 crime boss. Keen to make some legitimate cash developing a future Olympic site, Hoskins' crew is rocked by explosions and murders frightening away potential investors. Who the hell would dare fuck with Bob Hoskins? Look at him!

Bad man 

This was a solid crime caper with some scenes that have seared my frayed memory glands (you have memory glands too). Hoskins commands the screen with charisma and menace; there's a great passage where he loses his shit and bottles a guy in the neck. Monstrous. His star understandably rose with this film, fuelling his prolific screen output. Helen Mirren, his partner in crime and love, is a sophisticated presence next to the thick headed bullying of her companion. Their attempts to straighten out the violent mess amongst the bloody twists leads to a conclusion I thought was very cool. 

I enjoyed watching this, although the thick accents and muddy sound made some details hard to follow. It was a suitable English counterpart to my recent American crime trip of a similar era, The Friends of Eddie Coyle (1973). I'm afraid old Eddie Coyle would have struggled in the tough streets of London. Hoskins wins!

3.5/5  

Trash Humpers (2009)

Provoked? Disturbed? No,  just offended I spent $7.50 renting this out. That's nearly a pint.
0.5/5

The Friends of Eddie Coyle (1973)

Robert Mitchum depresses me. His weary eyes, drawling pronunciation and lumbering frame excrete the impression of a man defeated by life. As Eddie Coyle he is well cast, a guy who has taken his share of beatings. A career in Boston's rugged criminal world led to a stretch in the lockup after Eddie decided not to rat. Another potential lockup has him all nervous and he's looking at ways to avoid it. Seedy characters, masquerading as one another's comrade, squirm to get ahead with double crosses and avoid incarceration by acting as informants. It's tough making a living with friends like these.

Released the same year as Scorsese's masterpiece Mean Streets (1973), it lacks the dynamic film making which would see it used as a blue print for many crime flicks to follow. It's not hard to imagine this with some snappy editing and Mick Jagger wailing in the background as Coyle menaces his gun supplier into delivering his merchandise promptly. The dead ends of a criminal life are presented plainly without the cool, it makes it feel quite dated actually but works to it's advantage. Peter Boyle makes good on his role as Coyle's bar tending buddy, as he pulls beers in one of the more depressing dives I've seen. 

Apparently Ben Affleck is a fan of Eddie Coyle and used it as inspiration for his film The Town (2010), which I did like mostly. Let's all hope he leaves this alone though and doesn't remake the shit out of it. Some vintages are best left undisturbed.

3.5/5 

Due Date (2010)

Now listen to me, this is basically worth watching for the unique comedy talent that is Zach Galiafianakis. Robert Downey Jr. is perfectly serviceable in the straight man role but Galiafianakis is brilliantly irritating and likable as idiot extraordinaire and wannabe actor Ethan Trembole. It's a road trip, odd couple story that sets the scene for generally predictable but well executed laughs. Todd Phillips directed and it's no surprise that he is also responsible for The Hang Over films (2009 & 2011) and Old School (2003). The guy has a sensibility for shitty dude humor and serves it up slick and sick. Oddly, not everybody finds immature men busting jokes about testicles and prostitutes amusing though, so keep that in mind. Fortunately for me, I generally do.
This is approximately 90 minutes of entertainment, nothing more or less. Expectations beyond that will be met with disappointment. Sometimes that's all you want though. Am I right? Yes I am.   

3.5/5

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El Velador (2011)

I saw this at the Melbourne International Film Festival a few days ago. Wanting to see something I perhaps wouldn't normally see at the cinema, this seemed to fit the bill. I rolled the dice on this baby and scored a mixed result. It's a documentary that focuses on a cemetery which is home to the many victims of the ruthless drug war, rampaging out of control in Mexico. The cameras mainly revolve around the night watchman and his tedious work life which generally consists of picking up beer cans and watering dirt. At other times the film's attention shifts to the living victims who flock daily to mourn the dead, or the thriving industry that is required to make room for the flood of bodies arriving. Busted up, weathered dudes, wearing split work boots, labour away on extravagant mausoleums for the flashy and cashed up, criminal corpses. A lot of people's lives seem to revolve around this eerie place which is a saddening thing.

The film never looks anything short of amazing, even though a filthy mini-city of the dead don't sound visually alluring, it definitely is. Unfortunately it moves at a painfully slow pace, camera shots hover over their target until you're slapping your hand on the ground  and   screaming "forfeit!". It would have been interesting to hear some thoughts from the various individuals featured, as it stands it is kept to an absolute minimum. Director Natalia Almada would instead like you to observe and contemplate this world without forcing any messages. That goal was only partially realised for me, it was just far too repetitive and meandering. Still, it's a noble attempt to draw some attention to a shit ugly situation. If you're feeling strong give it a shot.  

2.5/5     

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)

I knew this was unavoidable. It was destiny I would see it eventually. The utterly contemptible act of stitching three people together, lips to arsehole, to form a human centipede caught everybody's imagination off guard. Well, perhaps if I had heard not a thing about it, the surprise factor might have provoked a response other than "whatever shit lips". Pretty fucking underwhelming. The idea is more disgusting and appalling than anything on screen. Dieter Laser, the mad doctor who stitches the morons together, is probably the most frightening sight. I simply will not believe he isn't evil personified in real life. He looks like a convicted child murderer. 

The film's not so bad it's unwatchable, it's just doesn't offer anything new or exciting beyond that one, admittedly pretty sweet, idea. Just for the record as well, I would be in the middle. 

1.5/5    

The Illusionist (2010)

Ah, so sumptuous I could pepper it and eat it.

Now here's a great example of why I'm an old school 2d animation fan. The Illusionist showcases beautiful art and animation that is retro in both feel and setting. Set in 1959, the detail and atmosphere present in the featured cities of Paris, London and Edinburgh is quite frankly...breathtaking. And I'm not even mentioning the countryside scenes...omg. The central character, a magician who's trade is doing a disappearing act, is animated so fluidly and expressively that the need for dialogue is rendered superfluous almost. The times are changing and the poor old relic of the stage is struggling to stay relevant. He still has his admirers though in the form of a pisshead Scotsman and a young girl who he quasi-adopts. There's plenty of memorable characters and scenes that lead to laughs but it's not exactly a happy tale, much more like real life.

The story struggles towards the end but I still loved it overall. Director  Sylvain Chomet has The Triplets of Belleville (2003) to his credit also which caused a bit of a stir, so that's locked in for a viewing down the road. 
I watched this at ACMI as part of their Seniors Programme but don't let that fool you into thinking it's just for old farts. I'm a youngish fart and say, "Watch it or die".
4/5